A crisis of self confidence.

You do something you love, you start to write. You write about things that have made you inwardly laugh to yourself, you write about rubbish conversations you have had or your children being insane and you’re enjoying yourself doing it, it’s a release.

Then something strange happens, people start to read it, they start to comment on it and share what you have written, people even start following you to see what you are going to write next. Your friends tell you how they enjoy reading everything, your husband says he likes it, complete strangers on the internet suddenly say, hey, you know what? That’s not half bad. Even your ex who in no way has to be pleasant to you begrudgingly admits things are pretty good.

So with all this praise ringing in your ears and people patiently waiting for your next word you take the very next logical step.

You have total crisis of confidence, decide everything you have ever written or will write in the future is shit and you refuse to even look at the website again for weeks.

See, totally logical right?

You get asked when you’re next blog entry will be and you vaguely wave a hand and say oh soon soon, you hatch upon the idea that actually you can’t possibly write because you don’t have a desk. Somebody points out all the desks for sale, you point out it’s not a ‘creative’ enough desk and you couldn’t possibly write at a non creative desk, the horror!

A desk is found, it’s pretty and creative and totally over your budget so you go in with a low offer fully expecting to be told where to go. They tell you where to go.

A polite email to say thank you for your time follows and because you have been polite to them they write back and say you know what? I like you, take the desk.

The desk arrives.

All your excuses are gone.

You can’t do it, you can’t write. Nobody wants to read it, it’s terrible, your grammar isn’t good enough, there are so many amazing bloggers out there who quite frankly can kick your ass and your self pity grows.

Eventually you start to remember why you started to do this in the first place, for fun. To enjoy yourself and write silly things you can look back on and laugh to yourself.  You stop kicking yourself quite so hard and realise not every single entry has to be a huge article; you can just put a few lines if they make you laugh. That’s what it’s there for. So while you are totally and utterly grateful for every single follower and every single comment, (let’s face it, if you blog there has to be some kind of craving for attention 😉 ) you also remember this is for you to be yourself and over the last few weeks you have really missed the escape of it all, so you bravely open up the keyboard, you type your crisis on to the page and you offer a heartfelt apology to anybody who’s been waiting for a new piece of writing and while you can’t promise the self confidence demons won’t raise their ugly heads again and you can’t guarantee every post will be funny you can promise there will be some utter shit posted here more frequently and I hope you like it!

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2 thoughts on “A crisis of self confidence.

    • I knew I forgot something! When I have moved it 20 times in to different positions and decided I might possibly be happy with it I will take a picture. Before I decide actually I hate it there and move it again 😉

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