My after Christmas list.



A list of things that did not come out of my mouth over Christmas and New Year.

Some probably should have, some were best left unsaid.



Yes, I have had enough chocolate, thanks.



There’s no need for wine today.



I’ve spent enough money, let’s not go to the sales.



Let’s not attempt to play this Monopoly game, it will lead to bloodshed and horror.



I really shouldn’t drink alcohol at breakfast time.



You’re breathing is starting to grate on every last shred of nerve I have left.



Ikea is a really bad idea.



You’re quite right, leaving the kids to play until late at night is a great idea. What a delight they will be in the morning.



When exactly do you all go back to work and school? Be specific.



Seriously, just one more breath. That’s all it will take.



Getting up at 5am is a great idea! We should do it more often!



I remembered all the batteries.



Yay, let’s play with all the super loud toys, over and over and over again. Mummy loves that.



Oh my fucking god you are still breathing, near my face. My actual face, get the fuck away from me.




I desperately want you all to stay home longer invading my quiet time and putting things back in the wrong place.



One more sigh, one more breath, one more gentle exhalation of air in or around my vicinity and I will not be responsible for my actions. I will hurt you. Not in a gentle, wait until you are asleep way.I will hurt you bad and it will involve tinsel, Christmas pudding,a bad reindeer jumper and a cracker.I will be famous for it,

I will probably be given a cool name like ‘The Jingle Bell Killer’people will copy me in future years and write books about events leading up to it.

Just One More Breath.


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