Texting with a friend.
Friend: Should I buy these shoes?
F: I haven’t sent you the picture yet.
M: Ok. *waits an appropriate amount of time* Buy them.
F: You didn’t look at the picture did you.
M: I glanced.
F: Look at the bloody picture and tell me if I should buy them.
M: They are shoes, just buy them already. I don’t want to look at pictures, you are wasting buying time.
F: I asked you because you are a shoe person.
M: Hence my answer. I don’t need to look. just buy them, buyyyyyyy them, they want you, they need you, buy themmmmmmm.
F: You are a terrible friend and person.
M: Which is why you like me, now buy the shoes.
F: I will.
A few hours later.
M: So did you buy the shoes?
F: I did!!
M: Oh that’s a shame, I just looked at the picture, they are hideous.
F: I will get a plane, fly to Canada and I will hurt you, actually hurt you.
M: That’s cool, just don’t do it in ugly shoes.